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Showing posts with label loving kindness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loving kindness. Show all posts

This afternoon I was taking an exit from the highway. It's a complicated exit with two lanes heading off in each of two different directions. At the last possible instant, a car in the extreme right lane suddenly veered to the far left. With some irritation I thought to myself, “You weren't paying attention, were you.” But then I changed mind. Maybe that wasn’t it at all.

Maybe they were on their way to a store to return something but suddenly realized they left the item on their kitchen counter. Maybe they had one of those, “oh crap, now I have to go back and get it”, moments. Or maybe, recently a loved one of theirs had died. They had planned to run an errand today, but as they were approaching the exit they decided that they just couldn't face the task, so they went back home instead. Maybe their GPS had told them to be in the right lane, then suddenly switched to take the other way for no apparent reason. I've certainly had that happen to me. Maybe they just got a text saying that their child was injured and they have to go to the hospital right now! Maybe they got a text saying that their spouse's water had just broken, so labor had begun, and the chore they were going to do before the baby's arrival had to go on the back burner. Or maybe they simply weren't paying attention. I've done that. Lost in thought, or talking with a passenger, or fiddling with the music in the car; I look up and realize I'm in the wrong lane. We've all done that, right? Or maybe they were just a bad driver; but being a bad driver doesn’t mean that someone is a bad person.

After I finished my exit and merged onto the next roadway, I spent the rest of my drive sending thoughts of love and kindness to the other drivers, regardless of how they were driving.

So now it's your turn; what reasons can you think of for the car in front of you suddenly doing something stupid in traffic. What rationales fill your heart with compassion and caring instead of irritation? Perhaps the next time you are on the highway you might like to send loving-kindness to the other drivers. I guarantee that there is someone on the road with you that could use a little love right now.

I often find lessons in the Dhamma (better known to Americans as the Sanskrit word pronounced “Dharma”) while driving. The other day I found Dhamma as a pedestrian crossing the street.

Last week Richard Shankman, the leader of my meditation group, gave a talk on the Buddhist ideal of metta, usually translated as “Loving Kindness”. He said that it is his goal to always have an open heart; to never close off his heart to anyone.

The next day I was walking in downtown Oakland, CA, when I came to an intersection. The light was against me so I had to wait to cross. Just as the light changed and I stepped off the curb, a large van at the far side of the street attempted to make a right turn on red, but was stopped by oncoming traffic. This left the unusually long van blocking the crosswalk.

I felt annoyed that I was going to have to go around this obstacle. My first thought was “what a jerk.” But almost immediately I stopped myself. I thought, “I’ve done that.” I never try to end up blocking a crosswalk while driving, but sometimes it happens anyway, through error or misjudging the traffic conditions. As I was walking around the van, a trivial extra effort, I thought, "I don’t know anything about this driver." Perhaps they strive to always be as courteous as possible. Perhaps blocking the crosswalk this afternoon was something they virtually never do. Maybe they were sitting in the van feeling incredibly embarrassed at having screwed up and blocked my way.

I realized I had no way of knowing if the driver even owned that vehicle. Maybe they had just gotten it, or rented it, or had been directed to drive it by an employer. Maybe unfamiliarity with the van caused them to drive it poorly. 

Maybe they tried to make that right turn on red because they were in a genuine hurry for some reason. I was near the hospital district, so possibly the van was full of medicines or medical equipment needed quickly at a doctor’s office. Perhaps they had learned that a friend had been hurt and so they were rushing to get to the hospital to be with someone that needed them.

Or maybe the driver was a jerk. Maybe they did this all the time. Maybe they really didn’t care about pedestrians or other drivers. 

Either way, I didn’t know. I couldn’t know. So instead of feeling anger or annoyance, instead of judging this person, I opened my heart to them.

I am no saint and I'm certainly not a Buddha. I am a work in progress. I can only hope to be as I was that afternoon, opening my heart more often in more situations, and finding the Dhamma everywhere.