On Suffering, Anger, and Anxiety

When asked what he teaches, the Buddha said, “I teach suffering and an end to suffering.” I have been learning for several years about the Buddhist conception of suffering (dukkha) and that it is caused by grasping and clinging. In Buddhist philosophy we seek an end to suffering through non-clinging.

A couple of years ago I started to feel that this didn’t quite match my view of suffering. I felt like there was a simpler way of looking at my lived experience. I concluded that, for me, suffering was caused by wanting things to be other than the way they are. Just that. Grasping is wanting that job, that spouse, that money, a child, a home, what that other person has, and so on. Clinging is wanting this person not to get sick and die, wanting not to get old and sick and die myself, wanting to keep this relationship, this job, this money, these things. But these are all, ultimately, just wanting things to be other than the way they are. That is all. This way of stating the idea works better for me.

Recently I had been faced with grasping and clinging in my life, causing suffering. I had also been experiencing a lot of anger. I took a trip to a place to relax. Upon arriving, I was faced with a series of annoyances. There was no mystery to this - I was primed to be annoyed and ready to be bothered by the slightest thing. I found myself so upset and angry that I wanted to just grab my bags, turn around, and leave. On the grounds there was a peaceful grove with a labyrinth. Instead of leaving, I went there and used the labyrinth for a walking meditation.

I had an extraordinary insight. I realized that suffering, and its shadow, sadness, are inward focused manifestations of wanting things to be other than the way they are. Anger is the outward focused manifestation of wanting things to be other than the way they are. This stopped me in my tracks. It was that simple. Suffering and anger are the same thing, it is only the direction in which they are focused that changes the experience. I stood there for some time, then continued my walk.

Later I was pulled up short by a third realization: anxiety is the fear that things will cease to be the way they are now (clinging), or that things will not become the way that I want them to be (grasping.) Suffering and anxiety are the same thing. They differ only in their time frame. Suffering is wanting things to be different than the way they are right now, while anxiety is the fear that things will be different than the way I want them to be in the future.

Suffering, anger, and anxiety are the same thing.

I have a friend who is dying. I am suffering now because I want her to not be old, sick, in pain, and in the process of dying. I am angry because I cannot change this. I am experiencing anxiety because I want her to not be dead in the future.

It is said that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Now I see that it is also true that hurt is inevitable, but anger is optional, and that fear is inevitable, but anxiety is optional.

Suffering is the inward focused manifestation of wanting things to be other than the way they are.

Anger is the outward focused manifestation of wanting things to be other than the way they are.

Anxiety is the fear that things will not be the way that I want them to be.

Suffering, anger, and anxiety are the same thing.