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Here is a series of photos taken as my Stanhopea orchid opening over the course of several days. I'm not sure if it is Stanhopea oculata or wardii. Click on the images to see larger versions, and don't forget to Facebook/Tweet/G+ or comment if you like this post :-)

The plant with flower spikes well formed a few days before opening.

Closeup of the flower spike hanging down from the plant (most orchids have flower spikes that rise upwards from the plant.)

The flower buds develop more color and begin to enlarge

Even more color in the buds, and peduncles (flower stems) begin to stand out from the spike.

The first two buds begin to open.

The first two flowers are open, though not fully. Two other buds have begun to open (notice that the open flower above has two petals curling backward, while on the flower below, which is about an hour younger, the petals have just begun to curl upwards.)

Most of the buds are now open. There are several other spikes on this plant waiting to go.

The whole plant with most of the buds open.

All but one bud are now fully open.

Closeup of a fully opened flower.

Finally, all the flowers on this spike have opened.

The plant with one spike fully opened.

Kero in her "room" at the veterinary hospital with her  IV tube and cone removed during one of my visits (she's hiding her arm under her body in the hopes that we wont reconnect the IV tube.)



A few weeks ago my lovely husky, Kero, fell very sick. Initially, she seemed confused, was walking strangely, and would hardly eat anything. Kero had been on a walk with the dog walkers earlier in the week on a very hot day. I wondered if perhaps she had become dehydrated. It also occurred to me that she might have re-injured her back (broken years ago in a car accident.) Perhaps something had happened while running or playing that had caused a swelling in a disk, impacting her spinal cord.

I didn’t want to over-react, but I kept a close eye on her. At one point when she was laying down I threw a treat to her. It bounced past her. She lifted her head, looked at the treat, and then put her head back down again. This was not good. I went over and examined her. She allowed me to touch, poke, and prod her everywhere, including her feet. She never lets anyone touch her feet without a major hassle. I was very worried. It was time to go do the vet.

It was a Saturday, so our usual veterinarian wasn't there, but the vet who saw Kero was very careful and concerned. I mentioned the heat on the walk, her back, and the fact that I had fed her some raw mackerel a week earlier. After the examination the veterinarian opined that there were a couple different possibilities, but she suspected pancreatitis. Blood was drawn for a full set of tests and Kero’s back and belly were x-rayed. We were sent home to await the results, along with some pain medication in case it was a physical injury that was causing Kero distress.

The next day I got the call with the results: the x-rays showed that Kero’s back was unchanged; she still had the old damage from her earlier injury, but nothing new had happened to explain her behavior. The x-rays didn’t show anything else going on in the areas that were filmed. Her blood tests however showed significant pancreatic enzymes in her blood – clear evidence that her pancreas was damaged, presumably by pancreatitis. However, pancreatitis is normally accompanied by vomiting and diarrhea. Kero wasn’t showing those symptoms.

The following day I brought her back in for more tests and a day of IV fluids. Then again the next day, and the next. One by one they ruled out every possibility except pancreatitis through x-rays, ultrasound, and blood and urine tests. Still, there was no vomiting. They began keeping her overnight, feeding her orally with a syringe. She refused to eat on her own.

Eventually she began having diarrhea. Major, explosive, projectile diarrhea. But no vomiting. At that point I asked my vet if it was possible that she had a parasite such as giardia as well as pancreatitis. We were expecting diarrhea with the pancreatitis, but there should have been vomiting too, and timing of the diarrhea was odd. A stool sample was sent off for analysis. The result: Salmon Poisoning Disease (SPD).

I was confused. I had recently fed her raw mackerel, but definitely not salmon. I knew that raw salmon was a no-no. A couple years earlier a neighbor’s dog was dying of cancer. I commiserated with her about her dog’s condition. She wondered what would be on his “bucket list.” I said I knew what would be at the top of Kero’s list: a whole fresh salmon. After that conversation it occurred to me, why wait until your dog is dying to give them the thing you think they would like most in this world. On the other hand, I was worried about fish bones and so forth, so I went online to see if there was anything I should know before giving her such an über-treat.

I found a lot of web sites, blogs, and discussion groups that talked about feeding your dog raw food – fish or otherwise. There were many people that praised raw food as the ultimate source of canine nutrition; after all, dogs evolved from wolves. There were just as many who felt that raw food was dangerous – dogs aren’t wolves just as we aren’t chimps, and the raw ingredients we buy in grocery stores may contain all kinds of contagion that would normally be destroyed by cooking. Regardless of which side a web site or author came down on regarding raw food they all agreed on one thing: no raw salmon. In the end I decided that I would feed her some raw fish from time to time – as long as it wasn’t salmon. Kero was wildly enthusiastic about the new addition to her diet. Hence the mackerel I had fed her the week before.

Now the test results were showing positive for salmon-flukes. But I hadn’t fed her any salmon. I went online to see if there was anything wrong with feeding a dog raw mackerel. Try as I might, I couldn't find a single mention of mackerel being a problem. I wasn’t certain exactly when I had bought the fish, or where. I suspected the mackerel might be an important clue, so I went through my credit card slips to nail down the details. What I found was a surprise. I had totally forgotten - a few days earlier I had purchased a trout at a local grocery store for my dinner that night. I have no idea why I remembered the mackerel the prior week, but forgot the more recent trout.

I was sure the trout had come eviscerated – they always are. As I thought back I recalled coating it with egg wash and flour and pan frying it. But I couldn’t for the life of me remember if I had cooked it head on, or if I had removed the head and given it to Kero. Regardless, I returned to the internet to search for information on salmon flukes and trout.

Here is what the Merck Vet Manual has to say:
[Salmon Poisoning Disease] is caused by Neorickettsia helminthoeca and is sometimes complicated by a second agent, N elokominica , which causes EFF [Elokomin fluke fever]. The vector of both agents is a small fluke, Nanophyetus salmincola . Dogs and other animals become infected by ingesting trout, salmon, or Pacific giant salamanders that contain encysted metacercariae of the rickettsia-infected fluke. In the dog’s intestine, the larval flukes excyst, embed in the duodenal mucosa, and introduce the rickettsiae. The fluke infection itself produces little or no clinical disease.
Yup, raw trout can contain the same fluke that causes Salmon Poisoning Disease. The big problem is that the disease is known as “Salmon Poisoning Disease,” but it can be caused by ingesting any raw salmonid species. The members of the family salmonidae include salmon, trout, char, freshwater whitefish, and graylings. Though I couldn’t be certain, I must have removed the head from the trout and given it to Kero, not realizing that trout can carry SPD.

As soon as the diagnosis was made they began administering anti-parasitic drugs for the fluke and antibiotics for the associated bacteria (which is the actual agent of the disease.) Within a couple of days Kero’s fever was down, the diarrhea had stopped, and she had begun eating on her own. She came home. In just a few days she was back to her old self (though almost 25% lighter.) A few weeks later only the missing hair where she had been shaved remained as a reminder of her ordeal. A follow-up urine test showed no indication of pancreatitis.

I was surprised at how many web sites make reference to the danger of feeding dogs raw salmon, but few mention trout. Even my vet had not known that raw trout could carry the fluke that causes SPD. It is worth noting that untreated, SPD is fatal in 90% of cases. So, I hope that this blog posting might help to spread the word, and maybe, just maybe, save other dogs (and their faithful guardians) from considerable pain.



For my entire adult life I have believed the theory of evolution. Darwin, natural selection, random mutations, the whole shebang. Until yesterday. Yesterday I learned about Coryanthes speciosa, an orchid that shook my confidence in the theory of evolution to its foundation.

Coryanthes speciosa is an epiphytic orchid that comes from the jungles of northern South America. It has a rather unique method of convincing insects to carry its pollen from plant to plant. Rather than attracting bees/moths/birds/etc. with scents and/or food (nectar and pollen), it gets the euglossine bee to do its procreative dirty work by providing it with a sex lure. Let me explain. Apparently the Coryanthes speciosa flower produces a scent that is attractive to male euglossine bees. The bees come to the flower, attracted by this scent, and there they collect a waxy substance which emits a scent that is attractive to female euglossines. But, they still haven’t pollenated the flower. The wax that the bees want is secreted from a bonnet shaped structure at the top of the flower. Below there is a bucket filled with liquid. Sometimes a bee will slip and fall, landing in the pool. But this is not a carnivorous flower. The bee does not drown. Once having fallen into the pool at the bottom of the flower, the only way out is to crawl through a small tunnel leading to freedom. But, along the way the bee must rub against a structure inside the tunnel that attaches a package of pollen to the bee’s back.

After emerging, the bee is soaking wet. He must sit and wait to dry off before he can fly away. During this time, the pollen is also able to dry. Now, presumably he hasn’t gotten enough wax yet to attract a mate, so when he is dry he must go to another flower to get more. If, while gathering wax at a different flower he is again so clumsy that he falls into the pool, then he will again need to climb out through that flower’s escape tunnel. Along the way a different structure within the tunnel will grab the dried pollen sacks from the back of the bee, thereby pollenating the flower. I am told that euglossine bees don’t fall into the liquid pool very often, and rarely do so twice. As a result, Coryanthes flowers are almost never fertilized.

I don’t care how badly you want to believe in the theory of evolution, that is just ridiculous. One can’t learn about Coryanthes fertilization without shaking your head and saying “Uh, uh. No way.” There is no way that could have evolved through random mutation and natural selection. On the other hand, anyone that would call it “intelligent design” is clearly either demented or Rube Goldberg. Evidently we need a radical new theory to explain the diversity of life on earth, and I am here to provide it: Comic Evolution.

The Theory of Comic Evolution is an outgrowth of the Church of God the Comic. Members of the Church of God the Comic believe that God and his buddies created the universe in order to get a good laugh. Comic Evolution suggests that all things (plants, animals, and natural forces) evolve to produce the most ridiculous result. Furthermore, this process is not entirely random. If things aren’t behaving strangely enough, God and his troop of merry mischief makers will intervene to maximize absurdity.

One can imagine them sitting around on a boring day screwing around with reproductive systems. Shecky, the Archangel of Orchids, says “Hey, God, check this out! I made an orchid that can only reproduce if a particular kind of bee is very clumsy.  Bwaaaa, haaaa, haaa, haaa.” To which God replies, “Yea, verily, that is droll. But while you were piddling around with your flowers, look what I did to these mammals; I turned the bit where the male excretes urine into his sexual organ! Now he has to convince the female of his species to let him insert it into her to deposit packets of DNA.  Woo hoo!"  Hilarity ensues.  The other Archangels roll on the floor laughing as Shecky slinks away with his Coryanthes to hide it in some jungle trees.

Rodney King's impassioned speech "Can we all get along?"

On March 3, 1991, several police officers in Los Angeles kicked and beat Rodney King after stopping him for a speeding violation. A year later, four of the officers were tried for use of excessive force in the arrest. On April 29, 1992 the jury acquitted three of the officers, and declared themselves hung on the fourth. News of the acquittal sparked the 1992 Los Angeles Riots. During six days of rioting and looting 53 people were killed, thousands injured, and a reported one billion dollars in property damage occurred.

The first two days of the riots where extraordinary and terrifying to watch on TV. I cannot imagine the experience on the ground. It appeared that Los Angeles had gone crazy. Then, on the third day, Rodney King held a press conference in front of his lawyer’s office. King spoke with a purity, honesty, and expressiveness that reached out and touched all who heard him. The press conference included his now-iconic plea "People, I just want to say, you know, can we, can we all get along? Can we get along? Can we stop making it horrible for the older people and the kids, and…it’s not right, it’s not right.” His voice breaking with emotion he went on, “…to see the security guard shot on the ground, it’s just not right because those people will never go home to their families again, and, please, we can get along here.”

Before that day, Rodney King was an ordinary man; not particularly well educated, nor well spoken, with no experience as a leader, and no training to prepare him to present an impassioned plea for peace. As I watched him on television that day, I felt that I was seeing the hand of God on earth, giving King the strength, character and skills that he needed to make his call for an end to the rioting. I tried to imaging if I would have the qualities necessary to do what King had done. Could I have spoken with such emotion that it would have touched all who heard? Would some force, call it “God,” have entered me and given me what I needed to step forward and move people in such a way?

Though the riots continued for three more days, Rodney King’s plea brought an end to the majority of the violence. By the time police, National Guard, and the military arrived, most of the rioting had already ended – presumably in response to King’s call that “we all get along.”

Sadly, Rodney King could not end his own internal riot as easily as that in the streets.  His problems with alcohol and drug addiction continued to rule his life. Yesterday, June 17, Rodney King was found dead in his swimming pool, just 47 years of age. In earlier interviews he had said that swimming was one of the only things that gave him peace.

Rest in peace, Rodney, rest in peace.
[I WANT, part 3] -- [I WANT, part 2] -- [I WANT, part 1]

I WISH
what happened to "i want?"
"I WISH" IS EASIER
"i wish" is easier?
"I WANT" TAKES WORK
yes, we covered that. "i want" takes work
IF "I WANT," THEN I HAVE TO DO WORK TO GET WHAT I WANT
yes
IF "I WISH," THEN I JUST GET WHAT I WISH FOR
you get what you wish for?
WELL, NOT YET
that's what I thought.


I WANT I WANT I WANT
yes, i know, you want. we have been going over this for weeks now
I STILL WANT
yes, you still want. you are alive, and so you want
I AM ALIVE, AND SO I WANT. THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER
what will make you feel better?
I WILL FEEL BETTER IF YOU GIVE ME WHAT I WANT
why do you still think i can give you what you want?


I WISH YOU WOULD GIVE ME WHAT I WANT
i'm sure you do
WHY WON'T YOU GIVE ME WHAT I WANT?
i don't think i can give you what you want.


I WANT YOU TO HELP ME WISH
you want me to help you wish?
YES, I WANT YOU TO HELP ME WISH
how do i do that?
WISH WITH ME. HELP ME WISH FOR WHAT I WANT
how will that help?
IF YOU WISH WITH ME, THEN I WONT BE WISHING ALONE
i will help you wish
I KNEW YOU HAD WHAT I WANT
yes. i have what you want. i want to help you wish.


One of my most popular blog posts, and certainly the most consistently popular, was about the process of repairing an antique soda siphon. That was just over 6 months ago.  Since then I have had to make a couple more repairs. I have also learned a few things – some from comments left by readers of that post. Because that posting has proven to be so popular (who knew so many people wanted to repair old soda siphons) I decided it was time to post an update with new photos and new information.

DISCLAIMER: The information provided here is for entertainment purposes only.  I do not know if the materials used by Sparklets, or any other early soda siphon makers, meet current standards for safety for drinking water. Furthermore, the gasket forming materials used in this project are not labeled for use in contact with food or beverages. If you should attempt to repair your own soda siphon using the information below, whether successful or not, I guarantee that you and everyone you know will die a horrible death in screaming agony. You have been warned.

After repairing my Sparklets siphon with my re-created rubber components, it worked well for several months. However, eventually the gasket at the gas input port blew out. I took another look at the original (which I had saved.) It was clear that my original casting was rather crude, missing some fine details of varying thickness on the outside of the part. I decided to re-cast it, putting only the thinnest possible layer of Vaseline on the original so that the fidelity of the part would be maintained. After re-casting, I also carefully ground and polished out the surface of the plaster to make the ridges as robust as possible.

When it came time to make the new part, I followed the advice of a commentator on my original post. He noted that my problems with getting the gasket forming material to harden were the result of using Vaseline on the mold as a mold-release. I removed every trace of Vaseline left over from casting the part, and I used a non-petroleum lubricant as suggested - I skipped the cornstarch additive. It took a couple of days for the part to set up. Even with all that time I had to remove the top of the mold to allow the rest to fully cure before removing the newly formed gasket from the bottom half of the mold. It was also much more difficult to get the part out than it had been with Vaseline. However, the resultant gasket was much firmer and sturdier than my prior component.

Siphon head, charger piercing pin, gasket, and retaining ring.

Given the quality of this new piece, I also re-cast the gasket for the top of the bottle. Because of the problems getting the gasket material to set, I decided to add just a small amount of cornstarch. It still took a long time to cure (though not as long) and the part was strong and high quality. I believe that a bit more experimentation could come up with the perfect corn-starch to gasket forming material ratio. If any readers have been playing with this, I’d love to hear what you have found.


My new bottle top gasket

The bottle top gasket on its glass rod

A second problem also arose during the past months. Water began spurting out from the gas port every time I attempted to carbonate. I suspected the interior stopper had gone bad again. However, when I took everything apart it all looked fine. When I had originally disassembled the siphon I skipped removing the gas port from the siphon head. It had been completely frozen in place, and it hadn’t seemed to matter. At this point, with nowhere else to look, I realized that it had to come out.

An 11mm box end wrench fits the indents on the gas inlet

I saturated the part with 3-in-1 oil and waited. After a day I tried to unscrew it using an 11mm box end wrench. No luck. It was stuck fast. I applied more oil and gave it another day. Still no joy. Finally I put the whole head into a bench vice (protected by blocks of wood), fit the wrench to the gas input port, and hit it with a hammer. A couple good solid whacks broke the gas port free of its decades long embrace.

All the parts inside the gas inlet

Inside I found a completely degraded red fiber gasket, corroded aluminum threads, and a rubber topped plunger set on a spring. Immediately the rubber crumbed into dust. The fiber gasket was easy to replace (though I had to ream the replacement out slightly to make it fit.) For the destroyed rubber disk I took a piece of sheet rubber from my collection of odds-n-ends. A 7mm hole punch produced a disk of exactly the right size to sit on top of the plunger without impeding movement within its channel. Carefully I scrubbed out all the corrosion, put the system together with all of the new parts, and resumed cheerfully making Sparklets soda.

A 7mm hole punch makes just the right size rubber disk

I hope these new tips and photos are helpful to people that may be attempting a similarly foolish project in their own homes.  Enjoy!


Some of the most frequent questions I have received pertained to dissasembly of the siphon head. Here are some additional photos showing some of the steps.

Remove the hinge pin by knocking it out with a hammer and a suitably sized nail.

To remove the crown from the siphon head, I used a tool designed to remove  the backs of
wrist watches. It is very sturdy and has adjustable pins. They are available quite cheaply on Amazon.

After removing the handle and the crown you can take out the spring and then the  plunger.

The lever, hinge pin, crown, spring, and plunger.

I needed something thin and strong to unscrew the ring that holds the gas port gasket in place. I found that these scissors worked perfectly (using the dull, outside edge.) Anything thin but strong and rigid should work.

All of the parts disassembled and laid out for your viewing enjoyment.
[I WANT, part 2] -- [I WANT, part 1]

I DON'T DESERVE TO WANT
don't be ridiculous, everyone deserves to want
I HAVE SO MUCH, I DON'T DESERVE TO WANT
you have a human heart. the human heart wants
THE HUMAN HEART WANTS?
you have to want. if you don't want, you are dead.


ISN'T WANTING THE SOURCE OF ALL SUFFERING?
yes.


YES? THAT'S IT? JUST "YES"?
yes.


I HAVE SO MUCH, I DON'T DESERVE ANY MORE
how do you know?
BECAUSE IT FEELS WRONG TO WANT
how do you measure what you deserve?
I WANT, BUT I FEEL ASHAMED
perhaps you should want to feel more deserving.


I WANT TO STOP WANTING
is that some kind of stupid logic trick
SHIT


I WANT! I WANT! I WANT! BUT I DON'T DESERVE TO WANT
deserve has nothing to do with it
WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE DESERVING HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT
because you want it to
NOW WHO'S USING STUPID LOGIC TRICKS
shit



WHY WON'T YOU GIVE ME WHAT I WANT?
what makes you think i have what you want?
SOMEONE HAS WHAT I WANT
you have what someone wants



GIVE ME WHAT I WANT, OR GO AWAY

HELLO?

HELLO?

SHIT.

THAT WASN'T WHAT I WANTED.

[I WANT, part 4]

For as long as I have known him, my friend William Rubel has been studying bread. As a member of the Culinary Historians of Northern California, I was privileged to taste a slice from a loaf of manchet that William baked. It was spectacular. Of course, it isn't fair to simply say that he baked it. He acquired historic wheat seeds from a seed bank, had a farmer grow the wheat, ground it, and then separated out only the finest white portion (as is required for manchet) by hand using a series of progressively finer bolting cloths.

For the past several years he has been working on his magnum opus - expected to be the definitive work on the leavened breads of Europe. About two years ago, Andy Smith asked William to write "a little book" about bread for the Edible Series he was editing for Reaktion Books. Having spent so much time studying bread in great detail, writing a small, 150 page book should have been a snap.

I'm sure many people in this circumstance would have "phoned it in" (so to speak.) But not William. Instead he took this as an opportunity to refine his entire way of thinking about bread. For years he had been focused on the minutia of European leavened breads - suddenly he was being asked to step back and take a look at bread in a very broad context.

Bread isn't just a food, he realized, it is a product. Moreover, it has been a staple food for most of the peoples of the world for most of the history mankind. With a few exceptions (e.g. manioc), it is the most highly manipulated staple food in the world. How curious, William realized, that the most important staple food product in the world is not a crop - it is a product, and as a product it is a pure reflection of culture. In the end, William spent two years writing a "little book" about bread - but it is a very big little book!

Bread: A Global History, by William Rubel is available from all the usual sources, including Amazon.com. You can also listen to an excellent interview with him about the subject on The Heritage Radio Network. Well worth reading and listening.
[I WANT, part 1]

I WANT
so what is it that you want, anyway?
A CIGARETTE
COCAINE
TO GET LAID
ICE CREAM
A HUG
A NAP
MY MOMMY
TO BE LEFT ALONE
TO NOT BE LEFT ALONE
me too.


I WANT A CIGARETTE COCAINE TO GET LAID ICE CREAM A HUG A NAP MY MOMMY TO BE LEFT ALONE TO NOT BE LEFT ALONE
i don't believe you
WHY DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?
because you have had all those things and you still want


I WANT A CIGARETTE COCAINE TO GET LAID ICE CREAM A HUG A NAP MY MOMMY TO BE LEFT ALONE TO NOT BE LEFT ALONE
i still don't believe you
WHY? WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?
because you can have any of those things right now, if you want them.


NO. I CAN'T HAVE ANY OF THEM
yes, you can have any of them
I CAN'T NOT BE LEFT ALONE
i don't understand
I DON'T WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE
you don't want to be left alone?
I DON'T WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE
but you said you wanted to be left alone
I DON'T WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE. NOT ALL ALONE. JUST ME. ALL ALONE. I DON'T WANT TO BE LEFT ALL ALONE.
you "don't want"? what happened to "i want"?


I WAN'T TO BE REMEMBERED
i remember.

[I WANT, part 3]

When I did my landscaping a couple years back, I put in some sour orange trees. They are very attractive in the landscape with shiny, dark, evergreen leaves, and bright orange fruit. Of course, I also had a culinary ulterior motive: marmalade. After some study I chose the Chinotto orange (Citrus aurantium var. myrtifolia), referred to as a “Myrtle-leaved orange” in English. While it is not exactly the same as the Seville orange of marmalade fame (Citrus aurantium 'Seville'), it is very close, and frankly it is a more attractive plant. Eventually my three trees were so heavy with beautiful orange fruit that I was afraid their branches might break. Time to cook!


I read over several marmalade recipes, but I wasn’t entirely happy with any of them. In the end I decided that I wanted to go with a no-added-pectin approach. I chose three recipes and picked the parts I liked from each. One was from David Lebovitz. The second appeared on the Simply Recipes site. The final recipe was by “The Marmalade Man” - he does call for added pectin, but hey, he’s “The Marmalade Man,” right?

There is much debate as to whether true orange marmalade is made with or without the peels’ pith. There are those that claim that keeping the pith will make the marmalade too bitter. Others say that is not true and that the pith is valuable for its pectin. A quick review of the recipes on PunkDomestics.com shows both sides of the argument. A year earlier I had tried making Kaffir lime sorbet that came out so bitter that it was borderline inedible - even after hammering it with sugar. So, for my marmalade I decided to take the advice of the “no pith” crowd.

The problem is that to make marmalade without added pectin and without pith, requires separating out all the parts of an orange, using what I wanted (zest, juice, and pectin from the seeds) and keeping the rest from the finished product. Unfortunately, the oranges had other ideas about being dismembered. To make matters worse, my oranges were clearly far smaller than those being used by the various recipes’ authors. In all of the images accompanying the recipes, the oranges appear to be a good two to three inches in diameter. My harvest had produced 50 or 60 oranges, ranging from ½ inch to maybe two inches across. This multiplied my challenge many times over.

Initially working from Lebovitz’s instructions, I cut all of my oranges in half and laboriously juiced them – keeping the juice in one container, the seeds and guts in another, and a hefty pile of shells in a third. This process took so long that I ran out of time to do anything else that day. I moved each bowl of citrus-parts into containers and put them in the fridge overnight.

The next day I soldiered on, intent on creating the best marmalade ever to grace a slice of toast. Lebovitz’s next instruction is to thinly slice the peels, but, since I was going “pith free,” I switched over to Simply Recipes for instruction. They merely say “Taking a clean juiced orange half rind, use a spoon to dig out as much of the white pith as you can.” OK. No problem. Well, actually, problem. It seems that my orange rinds were reluctant to part with their piths. I tried all kinds of spoons, including my favorite go-to spoon for scraping - a metal flat bottomed Asian spoon [Which is also my favorite spoon for tasting and a dozen other things]. No joy. I tried a melon-baller, but it was just a modest improvement.


I tried smooshing the halves flat and scraping with a knife. Nope. I tried slicing the rind from the pith with my chef’s knife and then with a mandolin. Even with a Kevlar glove that was a waste of time and potentially dangerous. Two hours later I had cleaned the pith from less than a quarter of the oranges and made a hell of a mess to boot. I gave up, put everything back in the fridge and cleaned the kitchen.


Returning to the task the following day – day three and I hadn't fired up the stove yet – I looked at the bowl of orange rinds with grim determination. Clearly this was a job requiring hardware - real hardware, not the delicate tools of the kitchen. This required power tools. I descended to my workshop to consider my options. Among my plumbing supplies I found my answer: a fitting and cleaning brush.


I cut the handle off with a hacksaw, fit the shaft into my nice, lightweight, compact Milwaukee lithium-ion drill, and headed back to the kitchen to do battle. I threw the container of orange peels into the sink and hit them my with homemade power reamer.


Good golly Miss Molly, the pith went flying. A half hour later the sink was caked with orange pith and the brush was ruined, but all of my orange peels were clean as a whistle.


All that remained was the relatively simple task of slicing the peels and cooking the marmalade to the right consistency:


A few hours later I had my first batch of homemade, home grown, home-MacGyerized marmalade. It only took 3 days, and I can honestly say that it is the best orange marmalade I have ever tasted.